Q.
How do I get a marriage license?
A. You and your fiance must apply for a marriage license within 65 days of the date of your wedding at the town hall of the Connecticut town or city in which you will be wed. You must apply together. You must both have a form of picture identification - a Connecticut driver's license or United States passport, for example. In addition, you should know your social security number and the name of your Justice of the Peace (or officiant). You will have to swear to the accuracy of your application, including a previous divorce or the death of a former spouse. The fee for the application is $30; but you may choose to pre-pay an additional $20 to have a legal copy of the license sent to you after the license has been registered by your wedding officiant. You must have an acceptable form of payment; most town halls accept cash, but call in advance to be sure.
_____
Q.
What is a reasonable price for a wedding officiant? Some of them seem to charge too much, based on what they do.
A.
One CT officiant is known to say "I want to cost more than your cheese dip," which, while hilarious, also makes an important point - if you are willing to spend several thousand on a venue, and quite probably several thousand more on caterers, photographers, gowns and tuxes, flowers and DJs, consider paying at least 2 % of the total cost of your wedding on your officiant (which, for a $ 10,000 wedding is $200 and $ 2000 for a $200,000 wedding.) After all, your ceremony is the most important element of your wedding. In fact, without it, you can't "tie" the proverbial "knot."
That said, most officiants are seasoned businessmen and women and therefore charge professional rates, which translate to between $ 35 and $ 150 an hour(door-to-door, remember this is before taxes and expenses!) But there is a significant range in what the "going rate" is for officiants In Connecticut in 2017!
_____
Q.
My fiancé and I are really struggling financially and we want to get married as cheaply as possible. What is the very least we will have to save in order to be able to afford to get married in Connecticut?
A. At minimum, you will need to pay a total of $ 50 for a marriage license and an official copy at your town hall and you will need to pay the fee of a licensed wedding officiant, which can run to about $ 125. So, it will cost you probably $ 175- at the very least - to get married in Connecticut. Now that's an amount within range of your savings if you plan ahead! But if you want more than just a town hall affair (see my blog post on town hall weddings), check out online resources for planning a budget wedding. You can have a beautiful ceremony - with all the usual trimmings - for $2000 or less if you plan carefully.
_____
Q.
My mother told me that my fiancé and I need to get blood tests before we are married. Is this true?
A. No. You no longer need a blood test before being eligible to get married in Connecticut.
_____
Q.
Do we need to have witnesses at our wedding?
A. No. You no longer need to have witnesses at your wedding. All you need is a licensed wedding officiant – either a JP or a member of the clergy.
_____
Q.
Are gay marriages legal in Connecticut? If so, do all JPs perform them?
A. Yes, absolutely gay marriage is legal in Connecticut.
_____
Q.
What is the difference between a wedding officiant and a wedding planner? Should I hire a wedding planner?
A. In general, you hire an officiant to marry you and to register your license. Therefore, the scope of an officiant's service usually focuses on the wedding ceremony. This service often includes assisting you with planning the “choreography” of the ceremony – the processional and recessional, where the attendants stand, who does what and how it might be done. That’s why I always recommend a rehearsal for most weddings except for the very small ones.
A wedding planner, on the other hand - depending upon your agreement with her - might assist you with all the details of your wedding – selecting venues, DJs, florists, caterers, stationery, photographers; choosing decorations and themes; finding your perfect gown; arranging transportation, etc.
Whether you require a wedding planner is up to you and your budget. While most officiants are more than happy to throw in many extras to help you in your planning – taking photos at your rehearsal for example and consulting on venues and other vendors, their fees generally will run in the $100s, while a wedding planner’s will run in the $1000s. If your lifestyle is busy, busy, busy, or you don't have a head for organization – there’s no question a wedding planner can be an asset. But, is one necessary? Absolutely not! If you are excited about your wedding and have friends and family willing to do some work on your behalf, you can plan a beautiful wedding without the additional expense of a wedding planner.
_____
Q.
How do I change my last name once I am married?
A. The marriage ceremony itself does not automatically change your surname. While you (or your spouse) are not required to change your surname, if you choose to do so, you must first contact your local Social Security Administration office and file the appropriate paperwork. After that, I recommend that you follow the procedures to change your name with all your legal contacts – your employers, your landlord, your mortgage company and all companies associated with shared bills – like telephone, utility and cable companies.
_____
Q.
I would like my friend to officiate my wedding because she is a wonderful speaker and we are very close. She lives out of state and is not a JP or a minister. Can this be done?
A. Yes. However, if she is not a licensed officiant - which includes a JP or any ordained clergy- you must still have a legal officiant present at your wedding who will witness your vows, pronounce you married and who will sign and register your wedding license.
_____
Q.
There is a wedding coordinator at the facility where I am getting married. Should she or my JP be responsible for overseeing the rehearsal and organizing and choreographing the ceremony? (I don't want any conflict; I am nervous as it is.)
A. This is a common concern of many couples that can be easily resolved. Discuss with your coordinator and your JP ahead of time what your and their expectations are concerning their roles. If you wish your JP to have input, express this to your coordinator and vice versa. When I know there is a coordinator at a facility, I am happy to allow her to "run the show." The old adage of "too many cooks" applies here.
_____
Q.
My dream has always been a traditional wedding in which I wear a traditional wedding gown. The problem is I cannot afford a traditional wedding gown. Any suggestions?
A.
The first thing to keep in mind is that a wedding is not about the glitz, but about the experience. Some of the weddings that have been most memorable for me were the smaller, more economical affairs - in which the bride and groom were very relaxed and joyful. Without a lot of “bells and whistles” to worry about, couples are often more “present” and really enjoy their wedding day.
On the other hand, sometimes, with big weddings, brides report later that they felt like a performer and not a participant. That said - a traditional wedding gown can certainly be within reach if you are willing to be flexible and would consider wearing a borrowed or used gown. Have you tried the thrift stores and consignment shops? Have you asked your relatives, your mother, your grandmother, your aunts and sisters-in-law, if they have a wedding gown for you to borrow (and perhaps have altered)? If you have friends who have been married, don’t hesitate to ask them. We assume brides are determined to keep their wedding gowns in moth balls only to be worn by their own daughters in 25 or 30 years, but I have known many women who are honored to offer their gown to a dear friend. If you want that long white gown and there is no alternative but to buy it new, then rethink your wedding budget and cut down on the costs in your wedding that don’t matter as much to you.
_____
Q.
Can I have my mother walk me down the aisle?
A. Of course. The bride can choose anyone she likes to walk her down the aisle and "give her away." I have officiated at weddings in which the bride's mother, grandmother or aunt have escorted her. While in others, step fathers and biological fathers have accompanied the bride down the aisle together. Older brothers, best friends or uncles have also been chosen for that special role. It is your wedding and it does not have to follow any particular rules, other than your wishes and desires.
_____
Q.
Should I “tip” my Officiant?
A. As you would any other service professional at your wedding, consider tipping your JP especially if you believe that they met or exceeded your expectations for their services.
_____
Q.
How can I pay tribute to my mother, father, grandparent or loved one who predeceased my wedding?
A. There are many ways to remember your loved ones who have passed on. You can wear a piece of jewelry that was theirs or that they gave to you. You can burn a memorial candle during the ceremony; you can ask all guests to wear special ribbons, especially if the loved one passed recently; you can ask your officiant to incorporate a moment of silence or small prayer in honor of the loved ones who could not be present in body, but are here in spirit.
_____
Q.
What do I do if I disagree with my fiancé about who should be in the wedding party?
A. It is always wise to agree in advance who will make certain decisions regarding the wedding. I believe the bride and groom should each be entitled to select his or her own wedding party – groomsmen and bride’s maids – once the number of attendants is decided between them. There are many courtesies that some couples observe concerning inviting the brothers and sisters of their fiancé to participate in the wedding party, but this does not have to happen. The bride and groom should be given the freedom to select the individual they wish to stand up for them on their wedding day.
How do I get a marriage license?
A. You and your fiance must apply for a marriage license within 65 days of the date of your wedding at the town hall of the Connecticut town or city in which you will be wed. You must apply together. You must both have a form of picture identification - a Connecticut driver's license or United States passport, for example. In addition, you should know your social security number and the name of your Justice of the Peace (or officiant). You will have to swear to the accuracy of your application, including a previous divorce or the death of a former spouse. The fee for the application is $30; but you may choose to pre-pay an additional $20 to have a legal copy of the license sent to you after the license has been registered by your wedding officiant. You must have an acceptable form of payment; most town halls accept cash, but call in advance to be sure.
_____
Q.
What is a reasonable price for a wedding officiant? Some of them seem to charge too much, based on what they do.
A.
One CT officiant is known to say "I want to cost more than your cheese dip," which, while hilarious, also makes an important point - if you are willing to spend several thousand on a venue, and quite probably several thousand more on caterers, photographers, gowns and tuxes, flowers and DJs, consider paying at least 2 % of the total cost of your wedding on your officiant (which, for a $ 10,000 wedding is $200 and $ 2000 for a $200,000 wedding.) After all, your ceremony is the most important element of your wedding. In fact, without it, you can't "tie" the proverbial "knot."
That said, most officiants are seasoned businessmen and women and therefore charge professional rates, which translate to between $ 35 and $ 150 an hour(door-to-door, remember this is before taxes and expenses!) But there is a significant range in what the "going rate" is for officiants In Connecticut in 2017!
_____
Q.
My fiancé and I are really struggling financially and we want to get married as cheaply as possible. What is the very least we will have to save in order to be able to afford to get married in Connecticut?
A. At minimum, you will need to pay a total of $ 50 for a marriage license and an official copy at your town hall and you will need to pay the fee of a licensed wedding officiant, which can run to about $ 125. So, it will cost you probably $ 175- at the very least - to get married in Connecticut. Now that's an amount within range of your savings if you plan ahead! But if you want more than just a town hall affair (see my blog post on town hall weddings), check out online resources for planning a budget wedding. You can have a beautiful ceremony - with all the usual trimmings - for $2000 or less if you plan carefully.
_____
Q.
My mother told me that my fiancé and I need to get blood tests before we are married. Is this true?
A. No. You no longer need a blood test before being eligible to get married in Connecticut.
_____
Q.
Do we need to have witnesses at our wedding?
A. No. You no longer need to have witnesses at your wedding. All you need is a licensed wedding officiant – either a JP or a member of the clergy.
_____
Q.
Are gay marriages legal in Connecticut? If so, do all JPs perform them?
A. Yes, absolutely gay marriage is legal in Connecticut.
_____
Q.
What is the difference between a wedding officiant and a wedding planner? Should I hire a wedding planner?
A. In general, you hire an officiant to marry you and to register your license. Therefore, the scope of an officiant's service usually focuses on the wedding ceremony. This service often includes assisting you with planning the “choreography” of the ceremony – the processional and recessional, where the attendants stand, who does what and how it might be done. That’s why I always recommend a rehearsal for most weddings except for the very small ones.
A wedding planner, on the other hand - depending upon your agreement with her - might assist you with all the details of your wedding – selecting venues, DJs, florists, caterers, stationery, photographers; choosing decorations and themes; finding your perfect gown; arranging transportation, etc.
Whether you require a wedding planner is up to you and your budget. While most officiants are more than happy to throw in many extras to help you in your planning – taking photos at your rehearsal for example and consulting on venues and other vendors, their fees generally will run in the $100s, while a wedding planner’s will run in the $1000s. If your lifestyle is busy, busy, busy, or you don't have a head for organization – there’s no question a wedding planner can be an asset. But, is one necessary? Absolutely not! If you are excited about your wedding and have friends and family willing to do some work on your behalf, you can plan a beautiful wedding without the additional expense of a wedding planner.
_____
Q.
How do I change my last name once I am married?
A. The marriage ceremony itself does not automatically change your surname. While you (or your spouse) are not required to change your surname, if you choose to do so, you must first contact your local Social Security Administration office and file the appropriate paperwork. After that, I recommend that you follow the procedures to change your name with all your legal contacts – your employers, your landlord, your mortgage company and all companies associated with shared bills – like telephone, utility and cable companies.
_____
Q.
I would like my friend to officiate my wedding because she is a wonderful speaker and we are very close. She lives out of state and is not a JP or a minister. Can this be done?
A. Yes. However, if she is not a licensed officiant - which includes a JP or any ordained clergy- you must still have a legal officiant present at your wedding who will witness your vows, pronounce you married and who will sign and register your wedding license.
_____
Q.
There is a wedding coordinator at the facility where I am getting married. Should she or my JP be responsible for overseeing the rehearsal and organizing and choreographing the ceremony? (I don't want any conflict; I am nervous as it is.)
A. This is a common concern of many couples that can be easily resolved. Discuss with your coordinator and your JP ahead of time what your and their expectations are concerning their roles. If you wish your JP to have input, express this to your coordinator and vice versa. When I know there is a coordinator at a facility, I am happy to allow her to "run the show." The old adage of "too many cooks" applies here.
_____
Q.
My dream has always been a traditional wedding in which I wear a traditional wedding gown. The problem is I cannot afford a traditional wedding gown. Any suggestions?
A.
The first thing to keep in mind is that a wedding is not about the glitz, but about the experience. Some of the weddings that have been most memorable for me were the smaller, more economical affairs - in which the bride and groom were very relaxed and joyful. Without a lot of “bells and whistles” to worry about, couples are often more “present” and really enjoy their wedding day.
On the other hand, sometimes, with big weddings, brides report later that they felt like a performer and not a participant. That said - a traditional wedding gown can certainly be within reach if you are willing to be flexible and would consider wearing a borrowed or used gown. Have you tried the thrift stores and consignment shops? Have you asked your relatives, your mother, your grandmother, your aunts and sisters-in-law, if they have a wedding gown for you to borrow (and perhaps have altered)? If you have friends who have been married, don’t hesitate to ask them. We assume brides are determined to keep their wedding gowns in moth balls only to be worn by their own daughters in 25 or 30 years, but I have known many women who are honored to offer their gown to a dear friend. If you want that long white gown and there is no alternative but to buy it new, then rethink your wedding budget and cut down on the costs in your wedding that don’t matter as much to you.
_____
Q.
Can I have my mother walk me down the aisle?
A. Of course. The bride can choose anyone she likes to walk her down the aisle and "give her away." I have officiated at weddings in which the bride's mother, grandmother or aunt have escorted her. While in others, step fathers and biological fathers have accompanied the bride down the aisle together. Older brothers, best friends or uncles have also been chosen for that special role. It is your wedding and it does not have to follow any particular rules, other than your wishes and desires.
_____
Q.
Should I “tip” my Officiant?
A. As you would any other service professional at your wedding, consider tipping your JP especially if you believe that they met or exceeded your expectations for their services.
_____
Q.
How can I pay tribute to my mother, father, grandparent or loved one who predeceased my wedding?
A. There are many ways to remember your loved ones who have passed on. You can wear a piece of jewelry that was theirs or that they gave to you. You can burn a memorial candle during the ceremony; you can ask all guests to wear special ribbons, especially if the loved one passed recently; you can ask your officiant to incorporate a moment of silence or small prayer in honor of the loved ones who could not be present in body, but are here in spirit.
_____
Q.
What do I do if I disagree with my fiancé about who should be in the wedding party?
A. It is always wise to agree in advance who will make certain decisions regarding the wedding. I believe the bride and groom should each be entitled to select his or her own wedding party – groomsmen and bride’s maids – once the number of attendants is decided between them. There are many courtesies that some couples observe concerning inviting the brothers and sisters of their fiancé to participate in the wedding party, but this does not have to happen. The bride and groom should be given the freedom to select the individual they wish to stand up for them on their wedding day.
